Shit, all that worry shot in the ass, she thought. Well, for once we don't have to unload and clean gear tonight. She had only a few things she really wanted to accomplish, like a couple beers, some food, and some sleep.To her surprise, Jim was waiting near the door of the crew bus as she got off. "I was just thinking I wasn't going to see you," she said. "We wound up running later than I thought." We had some trouble with a truck, we just wrapped up in the last half hour ourselves," he said. "I figured I'd better come by and see if the deal was still on." As far as I'm concerned, it is," she told him. "But I'd like to have a couple beers and something to eat before we head over to the house because I don't want to have to mess around with cooking something myself when we get there. And for once I'm really not interested in a Burroburger." Works for me," he told her. "How about one of the places out by the highway?" Sounds just fine," she replied. "Let's take your car; we'll pick up. I guess there really is a first time for everything.By week's end, I was still nowhere near a decision. I had stayed away from Anne that week, forgoing our now customary family dinner on Wednesday. It wasn't that I was angry, or that I hated her, I just didn't want to see her until my mind had cleared.I'm not normally indecisive, but this was a big decision.My feelings towards Annie were complicated. I could tell I still loved her, if only by how much her story hurt. Spider Robinson once opined that the opposite of hate was not love, but like. The true opposite of love is apathy. If I had lost my love for Annie, then her story would not have bothered me. I simply wouldn't have cared, anymore. Because I still loved Annie, she had the power to hurt me. And, if I was honest, I still had the power to hurt her.The question I needed to answer was whether I could get over my anger and hurt, and whether I could get over her rejection of me. After four plus years apart, it wasn't the affair.
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